CHOICE

I take pride in the fact that I have read a lot of books and experienced a lot of stuff that I can relate to most situations but no book or experience could have prepared me for losing someone I love. According to the books it’s supposed to hurt…hurt like hell but all I feel is a void. A great, big, fat empty void. I would have picked the physical pain any day of this feeling of emptiness. It seems like all the memories long forgotten choose to surface now to widen the void. I never thought losing someone would be so hard. I thought I was different. I thought I could separate myself from feeling it but it's just too hard.

 Life is full of choices that make you want to question its purpose. I always looked forward to these choices. Saw them as a challenge. The recent choice I had to make was the worst I ever made till now and it makes me repeatedly want to turn back time and wish it had never happened. I lost a loved one to that and I wonder was it really worth it? 

We all make choices in life but the hard thing is to live with them. I made mine and I will regret it for a while but I hold on to the hope that one day maybe I’ll see it in a different light and that day I’ll start to finally heal.

For now I think I’ll take comfort in a quote I came across… “There is a universal truth we all have to accept whether we want to or not. Everything eventually ends. Be it autumn, a good book or parting with an old friend. Even though I’ve disliked endings… leaves fall, you close the book and you say goodbye. That day was one of those days for me…that day I said goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. I am moving on… but just because I am leaving and it hurts there are some people who are a part of us they’ll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our north star and the small clear voices in our heart that will be with us…always.